Thursday, May 24, 2007

Cyranno deYourearsarelarge

It is a fact of life that you have to live with trolls. You just can´t get rid of them. They are like roaches lurking about and once in a while you spot running across the floor of your living room or kitchen. And just like in real life, in the virtual world you just virtually smash them into oblivion by hitting the delete key and not give them a second thought.

Every once in a while though you just have to show them just how dumb they really are. Mostly because it´s fun.

A while back I had a troll send me insults. It was childish stuff, mostly name calling. This is where he sounded so stupid. All he could come up with was big ears. So this is my Cryano de Bergerac inspired moment. This guy was so dumb that he could only repeatedly come up with "big ears". I mean multiple times, not just once.

So I wanted to show a little pity for this simple minded troll. Maybe if I can help him see some more imaginative remarks he might head over to his nearest library and pick up a book and read a little. Grant it, I did take about an hour to come up with these but then again I was working and I kept getting interrupted.

Here is my top ten list of insults with flair:

10. Joke: "Why do elephants have big ears? Because Noddy wouldn´t pay the ransom."

9. Scientific Theory- "If a butterfly flaps its wings in brazil and causes a tornado in Texas, you could wipe out a whole country with those"

8. Idiomatic: "Man, you really do mean it when you say You´re all ears."

7. Plagiarism: "Dumbo called, he wants his ears back" - okay this one is so close to Steve Martin´s quote from "Roxanne" but I just had to use it. I couldn´t resist. For that troll´s sake...Roxanne was a Hollywood comical modern version of "Cyrano de Bergerac" with Steve Martin in the lead role - by the way, both of these movies would not be possible if it were not for the original play.

6. Observation: "If you twirl around you can cool a whole room better than a ceiling fan"

5. Health related: "At the beach you don´t need a beach umbrella for your kids"

4. Observation: "Impressive Wingspan!"

3. Musical: "What do you get when you cross Jay-Lo, Frank and Barney? "A big butt, big eared, flying purple people eater...."

2. Inquisitive: "Do you get an aviators license with those?"

And the number one insult is.... just imagine a long, long time ago in a galaxy far, far away...

10. Darth Vader comes face to face with me and he says (imagine the sound effects now)"Impressive"

That my simple minded troll is how you insult someone with style, panache and a little bit of imagination.


SFO said...

‘ear, ‘ear!

And then Darth Vader would have gone on to say:

“There will be a substantial reward for the one who finds the trolls. You are free to use any methods necessary, but I want them alive. No disintegrations.”

The Big Ears and Noddy references reminded me of my childhood books, in a time, far, far ago.


Anonymous said...

the eleventh insult for big eared guys (yes, I'm a member of the club):
can you receive satellite tv with those?

Unknown said...

Satellite TV! Why didn´t I think of that one?

SFO said...

And I thought it was just a marketing ploy. After all, BsAs is the mecca for plastic surgery, and they look so fake ;-)

“Frank, what big ears you have!”
“All the better to listen to my customers.”

(with apologies to Little Red Riding Hood)


Unknown said...


Also a good one. Thanks for adding to the list.